Stupid Dreams.

Hey guys, I'm back again.

Sorry about that other post I know it wasn't very good but I'm determined to make this one better. I just hope I can.
Okay, so, here goes nothing. :/

Here's part of a song I wrote, I think it's okay...I hope.

If I just close my eyes will it all go away?
Tomorrow's going to be another day.
They say there's plenty of fish sea,
But I can't help but feel you're the only one for me.
I'm haunted by memories of your precence,
I only notice how much I miss you now that you're gone.

Do you feel like this too?
Do you think of me as much as I think of you?
Or is this my private heartache?
Do you care?
Will you ever be there?

That's it so far.
I don't have much to say for once though. It's the weekend and I wanna' have fun.

Anyway.
I had a dream the other night. They're always the same. I'm standing at my locker minding my own buisiness and then there's arms around my waist and I'm looking up into Johnny's eyes and everythings perfect.
Then he's gone and I'm all alone again.
It's funny though. When he was around I didn't like him that much. As a friends sure but never like this and now that he's gone I use half of the day thinking about him. And this blog, I'm writing this blog about him and I haven't seen him in over a year.
Is that crazy or is it love?
I don't know what to think anymore.

xox Lolita.

Stupid Love.

Hello readers,
What's going on today? TGIF! Yes today is Friday and everyone needs to go out this weekend, why you ask? Because I said so. I like that movie. Has anyone seen it? eh, I have.
Listening to We The Kings right now, awesome band check them out. I read on twitter that Jeremy Fowler from New Empire did an interview on Fox.Fm. Can't wait to hear it along with their new single!! Eeep!
My friends and I decided that we're going to watch Short Stack in July? Anyone else coming? You should they're f****ng awesome!! Drowning my sorrows in a cherry ripe Easter egg that I got for Easter It's delicious.
Not that you care but...
Are any of you guys going to Justin Bieber's concert in May? Don't get me wrong I don't hate the biebs but I'm not exactly  bieliber either. Anyway my friend LOVES him and she couldn't get tickets and she's really upset. Always crying at school and everything and I was just asking if you could keep an eye out for competitions and let me know if you find any.
I would be so happy!

Right, back to business. I love you. 3 words, 8 letters, 3 syllables, 5 vowels, 3 consonants, 2 nouns, 1 emotion, many meanings, a big lie and rarely the truth.
I love you is one of the biggest lies you will ever say, along with 'I have read and agree to the terms and conditions...'

Anyway, happier things.
When we're together or when we're apart, you're the first thought that comes to mind.
If my love for you is a crime then I want to be the most wanted criminal there is.
An incredible guy can make you dizzy, like you've been drinking all morning. She can make you feel high.
The promise, the promise of a better day, the promise of a new tomorrow, the promise of a greater hope. This particular warmth can be found at the gate of an incredible guy, in his smile, in his soul, and the way he makes every little rotten thing about life seem like it's going to be okay.

Lolita xox

Stupid Thoughts.

Every morning I wake up and my first thought is Will I ever see you again? We used to be close but i haven't seen you since came back from the city. I remember silly things back from when we were friends and it makes ne happy to think that I did know you as well as I thought.
I remember my mum was friends with yours so they went out together sometimes. I remember my mother coming home and telling me that you were excited because she my mum but now it's different.
I told myself to let you go because I knew you'd only break my heart but still, I find myself falling harder everyday.
It's not exactly fair is it? I bet you don't think about me everyday do you? So why am I still bothering to hope and pray that i'll see you down the street everyday? I dream about you at night and it's always different from how it really is. In my dreams were together and were happy.
But in reality were apart and i doubt you even remember my name.

I wrote this when I first made the blog on my phone and I saved it but didn't know what happened to it. Well ta dah! I found it and I think it's better than the other shit I write personally, this one's a little closer to my heart.

Anyway. Back to normalness, kinda.
I was devistated when I thought I'd lost this and then I almost shed a tear when I found it. I'm not really a teary person so this might sound weird but today one of my friends told me she couldn't make herself cry when she wanted to and I realised that I'm one of the ones who can.
If you find it easy to make yourself cry I want you to comment and tell me how what you think of to make yourself cry. PLease.

In class today we had a silent contest between me and three of my friends. Abigail, Laura and Jace. I failed before we'd even finished the third minute.
One of my other friends asked me a question and without thinking I replied. Everyone started, like, mmming and I didn't know what was up until I realised, shit, I just spoke.
Jace and I were writing notes and the teacher told Jace off and he had to leave the classroom. It was funny, good lesson, for once. Does everyone find school as boring as I do?
Lee Moron, my SOSE teacher. Say what you like, that's his actual name, no jokes, Is possibly the most boring person on the face of this earth. If you think you know someone more boring please let me know.
He mannaged to go on for at least half an hour on how you could buy cheap pencils at Safeway. It was very sad to watch.

Anyway. I read a story on wattpad.com called, 'Mr Kidnapper, can you give me a ride home?' It was so incredibly awesome that I'm going to dedicate todays entry just to her. racingheart.
Anyway listen to Teenage Dream by Katy Perry is my point right now. I've realised that it is the most fucking awesome song and right now I have my ipod on shuffle and just as I mention that song it decides it want to play, I call it fate that I am totally right.

Anyway, better get back to my homework. xox Lolita.

Stupid Memories.

Hello Everyone.

Yeasterday I read a tweet that said something that for now has changed the persepective of this very short blog.
It said, 'If you can't seem to get someone out of your head, perhaps they're meant to be there.'
I like the sound of it, it's sweet and it makes me feel a little more normal about my err...situation.
As I mentioned last time Alex is weird. He calls me lovvie and his locker is right next to mine which means that he always asks me what we have for class. I never know. I don't actually own a timetable, I'm not that increbibly organised.
Today he bumped into me while I saw talking to my friends and I didn't even realise it was him until he told me to 'watch out lovvie' most people he'd be like, 'oi dude, watch it!'
(Shrugs) It made me feel just a little special for a while.
So this tweet has got me thinking maybe, just maybe I should let his stupid memories linger for a little while in hopes that he is in fact meant to be there. Who knows his scholarship might run out and he might have to get expelled. I would never hope this apon Johnny if I didn't think about him so much.
I remember this one time, we were sitting at a bench waiting for our friends to come. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and I got all nervous and stupid. Then our friends came back and it was like moment over.
There's this other time when my mum got home and told me that she'd been to his mother's house and he was excited to see her just because she was my mum. Sweet, I know.
As for Alex I don't have many memories. He's a friend we talk everyday unlike Johnny.
Sometimes I feel like if Johnny had always been at the same school as me I wouldn't bother thinking about him or missing him but...I don't know.

I've got to go now.
xox Lolita.

Stupid Cupid.

Don't you hate it when there's this perfectly fine guy at school that likes you but you don't feel the same way because there's this other guy that you're waiting for even thought he may never come?
I know, it's awful.
Have you tried and tried over and over to try and convince yourself that he's never coming but deep down never let it go because you want to believe that he's going to magically land at your doorstep?
I seem to feel exactly the same way about a guy who I haven't spoken to in at least a year and a half.
Stupid, I know.
I wish that this blog were going to say things like 'everythings fine' and 'love's always right around the corner' but I can't because I don't feel that way. If I said I did I would be lying.
It all started last year. I didn't even like him when I knew him. I thought he was arrogant prick and then all of a sudden, bam! My brain's suddenly screaming, 'Hey remember that kid in primary school that you were friends with? Well don't forget him.'
My point is that he probably doesn't remember me and here I am dedicating this blog to him. Totally pathetic. I guess I thought that maybe it might change my mind about him.
I guess it's like a diary but none of you know who I am or who I'm talking about which makes it perfectly okay to blab out.
How many of you do that? Am I the only crazy one or is this completely normal?
I really hope I'm not going insane. That would be awful.
Anyway. I'm going back to school tomorrow after Easter break and I can't help but wish a little inside that he'll ditch his private school, show up at the locker next to mine and our eyes will meet and suddenly I'll be in his arms.
But this is reality and in reality things like that don't happen. Life happens and sometimes life is a bitch. But I know I'll get over it the second I see my friends and that other certain someone, no names will be mentioned.
This someone reminds me of that other someone. Okay, confusing. Maybe I will use names. Fake ones of course (I would hate anyone to know.)
Okay let's call private school boy...Johnny, named after Johnny Pacar. And the other one...Alex, because of Alex Pettyfer.
Right I'm good.
Well Alex reminds me so much of Johnny. There are a few differences like Johnny plays bass and Alex plays guitar. Alex is a little darker than Johnny but either way they're similar.
Both into sport and both totally interesting and surprising. eg. Alex enjoys cooking and Johnny once had a conversation on how good Jesse McCartney was with me. Okay, we were like 9 but still.

I better go but that's the start of my blog. I hope you guys will keep reading.
Shit, what if no one wants to read it anymore. Crap that would be embarrassing.
Oh well, night everyone. xox Lolita.
;)